Star Wars Franchise Ranked

I thought The Force Awakens felt overly similarly to A New Hope, but I still enjoyed it. I can understand people not liking it but I draw the line at folks saying, “the prequels were actually pretty good.” And so for no real reason, I thought I would rank the movies based on my mood at the moment and not much else.

1. The Empire Strikes Back

A movie so fundamentally important that its major reveal transcends time and space.

2. The Force Awakens

SECOND? Yes, deal with it. Do you disagree? Oh look, I don’t care.

3. A New Hope

My buddy in honors English class had to write a paper about this movie while, in regular English class, I had to read The Great Gatsby or some bullshit.

4. Return of the Jedi

While I’m ranking it last in the original trilogy, it has one my favorite scenes from the entire franchise.

5. Robot Chicken’s Star Wars episodes

They are all gold but this one takes the crown.

6. The Family Guy Star Wars episodes

7. The Attack of the Clones scene where Obi-wan tells some loser to go home.

I agree with this guy that the main thing missing from the prequels is a sense of humor. This was one of the only scenes in entire prequel trilogy that I can honestly say I enjoyed. It’s definitely one of the few that I actually remember.

8. Ewan McGregor

I mean, come on. This guy.

9. The Obi-wan and Anakin endgame.

No, not from the movies…

10. A catheter

Not very long ago in a hospital not all that far away, they once put a catheter in my pee hole. That was less uncomfortable than…

11. A Phantom Menace

Look, I only remember the fight scene with Liam, Obi-wan, and Darth Maul. The rest of the movie exists somewhere between a haze and a complete blackout. Something about Jedi’s having an unusually high chlorine intake or some such thing.

12. Revenge of the Sith

It’s a movie that happened.

13. Attack of the Clones

Fuck.