Spider-Man: Homecoming alternative beginning

Tony Stark could have prevented all of this from happening.

Scene: New York City near Tony Stark’s Avengers tower soon after the alien battle that took out a chunk of the city. Pre-Vulture (Michael Keaton) is managing a crew hired by the city to clean up the mess.

Pre-Vulture: All right boys, let’s clean all this stuff up.

Asshole: Stop cleaning. You’re all fired. The US government and Tony Stark are taking over.

Pre-Vulture: Woah, hey come on! I rented a bunch of equipment and my business will tank and these people will lose their jobs.

Asshole: Well, Tony Stark is very rich and the fucking central premise of these movies is that the Avengers are all about helping people so you and your team will be compensated based on your contract with the city. Also, you all get self-driving Audis.

Pre-Vulture: Oh well, I guess I can just go back to my family and keep my business going instead of turning into a winged lunatic who engages in deadly arms trafficking. Let’s go, boys!

LATER

Spider-Man: This is a very good sandwich.